My Perfect Woman

As I was swimming laps in the pool this afternoon, I was thinking about my perfect woman. This woman is intelligent, strong, beautiful, and healthy. This woman is also confident, secure, and has a positive self image. She is kind, trustworthy, empathetic, rational, and loving. Who is this woman?
This woman is me! Well, some of her anyway. Here's what I'm missing:

• Healthy
• Confidence
• Secure
• Positive self image
• Beauty

Why am I missing all of these attributes? Well, it's because I'm a work in progress. I'm also missing these because I'm obese. I do have days where I think I'm pretty but they're few and far between and I always have a but attached to my compliments. I'm pretty but would look better if I lost weight. It all goes back to my weight.

I remember a time when I was thin but it was one of the worst times of my life. I don't like thinking back to that time because it's very painful. I don't have any positive memories associated with being thin so it's difficult for me to be happy about getting thin again. I know that those negative memories aren't going to come to life but they're still there. Your past is often very difficult to forget and it has a huge impact on your life.

I've spent the better part of my adult life in therapy, for one reason or another, and I'm still going. This time around it's time to get to the real. The real reasons I am the way I am; the real reasons I'm obese. Self-reflection isn't always easy but it's necessary if you want to better yourself and finally move on. I'm at that point and I really don't know why it took me so damn long. But, better late than never.

My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions since I can remember. From my parents, to my siblings, to school, to my love life. By nature, I'm an emotional person and people often take advantage of me. I'm a people pleaser and I always end up hurting in the end. I've spent my life trying to please others but never pleasing myself.

It's high time I start! Without me, a lot of people would be lost. I know I'm important to at least 3 people - my husband and children - and that's all that matters to me anymore. I don't want to be sick and miss out on some pretty awesome things with them. I don't want to leave my husband with the boys because I was too stupid to take care of myself. I want to see my children get married and have families of their own.

So, it's time I start being my perfect woman. I'm the only one who has the power to make myself into my perfect vision. You'll notice that flawless wasn't one of the attributes I listed in my perfect woman. That's because I'm realistic. I know people have flaws and I'm not going to try to pretend that I don't.

Ok, enough of me babbling today. Have a great weekend!