It's Time to Love MYSELF

Because I have a DVR, I rarely know what shows come on which nights. Right now, I'm sitting here watching last night's episode of Extreme Weight Loss. I can't tell you how much I identify with Trina! No, I'm not a nurse, but I am a giver. I give to everyone before I give to myself. I realized Monday in therapy that I'm looking at taking care of myself all wrong.
I know I have to take care of myself but, no matter what the situation is, I always end up feeling selfish about doing something for myself. I put everything I have into all of my relationships, no matter how dysfunctional they end up being. The hardest thing for me is to actually love myself. Why is that? That's the question I still have to answer.

I probably feel this way because I've never been good enough to myself. I deal with a lot of negative self talk when it comes to certain areas in my life. When it comes to school, I'm 200% confident in my abilities and no one can touch me. I know I'm smart; I've always been told I'm smart. However, it's rare that people tell me I look good. I don't think I need people to tell me that I look good but it would be nice to hear it every once in a while. 

I have to figure out how to love myself. If I don't love myself, how can I take care of myself? Why am I so hard on myself? These are the questions I need to answer. Until I find those answers, I'm always going to be stuck in the same spot. I want to grow, evolve, and enjoy life. I don't enjoy my life that much now because of how I feel. I'm the only one who can change how I feel and it's time I start working on that. If that means I have much time for hanging out, then so be it. I have to look out for me and my family.